Have you ever met someone who lights up a room just by walking into it? You know the type—their words seem to stick, their presence feels magnetic, and people just can’t help but lean in when they speak.
Let me tell you something: that’s not magic, and it’s definitely not luck. It’s influence.
Here’s the good news: Influence isn’t reserved for the naturally charismatic or born leaders. It’s a skill—a learnable skill—that anyone can master. And when you do, it changes everything. Whether you’re leading a team, pitching a client, or trying to convince your family that yes, brunch really is better than dinner, influence is the key to getting people to trust, listen, and act.
So how do you master it? I call it The Influence Blueprint, and it’s built on four simple but powerful steps. Let’s dive in.
Step 1: Build Trust First
Let me keep it real: If people don’t trust you, they’re not listening to you. Trust is the foundation of influence—period.
Now, I’ve seen leaders try to skip this step, thinking their title or authority will do all the work. Spoiler alert: It won’t. Trust has to be earned, and it starts with how you show up.
How to Build Trust:
- Be consistent. If you say you’re going to do something, follow through. Every. Single. Time.
- Own your mistakes. Nobody trusts a leader who can’t admit when they’re wrong.
- Listen—really listen. Not the “uh-huh, sure” kind of listening. I’m talking about eye-contact, nodding, putting-down-your-phone listening.
Example:
I once worked with a leader who always said, “You can come to me with anything,” but every time someone did, they felt dismissed. You think anyone trusted her after that? Nope. Compare that to the leader who listens without interrupting and then says, “I hear you, and here’s how I’m going to help.” That’s the person people follow.
Step 2: Connect Emotionally
Let me tell you something important: People make decisions based on feelings and justify them with logic. That’s why connecting emotionally is a game-changer.
You’ve got to speak to the heart first. When people feel seen, understood, and inspired, they’re way more likely to take action.
How to Connect Emotionally:
- Share a story. People remember stories, not stats.
- Show empathy. A simple, “I get it—that’s tough,” can make all the difference.
- Paint a vision. Help people imagine the future you’re creating together.
Example:
I worked with a manager who kept throwing data at his team to get them on board with a new project. Guess what? Crickets. Then he switched gears and said, “I know change is hard, but imagine how much easier your day-to-day will be once this system is in place.” Suddenly, the team was nodding and leaning in. That’s the power of emotional connection.
Step 3: Simplify Your Message
You know what kills influence faster than anything? Confusion. If your message is all over the place, people tune out faster than you can say “Let’s circle back.”
How to Simplify Your Message:
- Focus on one key idea. Don’t try to say everything—say the most important thing.
- Ditch the jargon. Speak like a human, not a corporate robot.
- Use visuals or analogies. Paint a picture in their minds to make your point stick.
Example:
One leader I coached had to present a new initiative to her team. Her first draft of the presentation was a 20-slide monstrosity with more bullet points than I could count. We simplified it to three key slides with a clear story, and you know what happened? The team got it, bought into it, and executed it like pros.
Step 4: Align Timing and Purpose
Here’s where influence gets next-level. Timing (kairos) and purpose (telos) are like the secret sauce of persuasion. You’ve got to deliver your message at the right time and make sure it aligns with something bigger than the moment.
How to Master Timing and Purpose:
- Know your moment. Don’t pitch an idea in the middle of chaos—wait for the right time.
- Adapt to the room. If people are stressed, acknowledge it and adjust your tone.
- Tie it to something meaningful. Show how your message aligns with their values or goals.
Example:
I had a client who kept getting shut down when pitching his ideas to leadership. Turns out, he was trying to sell his vision during already-packed meetings where people were distracted and stressed. We shifted his approach: He waited for a slower week, sent out a pre-read to give context, and positioned his pitch as a way to solve a problem the company had been struggling with. Boom—approval in one meeting.
The Blueprint in Action
When you combine these four steps—building trust, connecting emotionally, simplifying your message, and aligning timing and purpose—you create a blueprint for influence that works every time.
It’s not about being the loudest voice in the room or having the fanciest PowerPoint. It’s about making people feel safe, understood, and inspired. And when you do that, they’ll not only listen—they’ll act.
Your Turn: Try the Influence Blueprint
The next time you’re preparing for a big conversation, ask yourself:
- Am I building trust?
- Am I connecting emotionally?
- Is my message clear and simple?
- Is this the right time, and does it align with their purpose?
Practice these steps, and you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can turn your ideas into action.